Over the past few months, I have become obsessed with the idea of this blog. Multiple times a day I find myself drawing a memory of my Mum, but I am so scared a day will come that I forget. I don’t ever want my precious memories to fade, so this is where I’ll record them.
I am a single, childless, woman. To date, the greatest love of my life has been my mother – a lady I affectionately called, Mole. She was my best friend, my confidante, my cheerleader, my idol, my light, my personality twin, and most definitely my families Anchor.
On December 8th 2015 my family and I lost our beloved leader. It was sudden, unexpected, happened way too soon and shocked us all. Eighteen months on and I still can’t comprehend that she is gone.
But we aren’t unique. This happens to people every day. That knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to cope with of course, but I do feel unbelievably grateful to know my Mum had fifty six years in this world, and she felt no pain when her time came to go. She had a great life, she was happy, and she was loved, so, so much by us all, and I know she felt that.
As I said above, thoughts of my Mum are never far from my mind. There are endless things that make me think of her, and when I’m not reminded of her, I’m thinking of her anyway. Nobody in my life would really know that, because I don’t talk about it. I keep things in – it’s just easier that way. When I talk about it, I fall apart. When I talk about it, I have to acknowledge that it’s real. Case in point – tears are streaming down my face as I type right now, and it’s the first time I’ve cried for a long while (damn you, Mole).
I don’t need to talk about Mum to feel okay, but what I do need is a place to write things down when I feel the need. A virtual diary, if you will.
She was the best Mum in the world and I will miss her forever. But I hope this page will make me smile in time, when I look back on my memories. And if you have discovered this page and have lost a loved one too, my heart goes out to you.
I love you, Mole.